Thank You, To The Ones Who Love Our Babies

Every time I send my baby off into the world without me, a million fears wonder through my mind. That is true for all parents, but it’s extra true for special needs parents. Our babies can’t speak. If they get lost, they can’t tell you who they are or where they live. If they are

This Time Was Different, but Also The Same

I have a terrible memory, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was a 23-year-old single mom. I was recently divorced, working 3 jobs, and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. With one look, anyone would have seen that I was ready to break at any moment. The doctor could

Sometimes Forever and Ever Just Isn’t Meant To Be

When I was a little girl I couldn’t wait to fall in love. Like most girls, I wanted the fairy tale. I dreamed of seeing a guy from across the street and falling for him the moment he looked at me. I dreamed of warm summer nights spent talking for hours on the porch until

Almost Thirty

This week is my birthday. I will be 27 years old. Almost 30 as my best friend keeps jokingly reminding me. I’ve always loved birthdays. I used to celebrate for the whole entire month. This year though, the thought of my birthday can bring me to tears. I find myself wondering, where has all of

Screw You, Mom Guilt

Being a mom is the hardest freaking job on the planet. There is the cooking and the cleaning and the errands, but that is just the obvious stuff. There is the worry. The stomach turning, mind racing, worry about every possible situation your child could face. There is the stress of all that needs to

Before “Normal” Was A Bad Word

I came across an old photo the other day that stopped me in my tracks. It was a photo of when my son was a baby, he was probably just over a year old. It was from before I got divorced. My son’s father and I had taken a spontaneous trip to the clearwater. It

One Day

I know, mama. I know that, right now, it’s really bad. I know that it feels like the world is crumbling around you and you don’t know how you are going to move on. One day, things won’t be so scary. Don’t get me wrong… it is always going to be hard. The hard will

The Last Times

Today is your birthday. You are seven years old and, honestly, I just don’t know how that is possible. People tell you that time goes by fast. They say, in motherhood, the days are long, but the years are short. Despite the warning, I find myself shocked at the time that seems to have vanished.

Who Would I Be Without You?

There have been a million times, since your diagnosis, that I have wondered who you would have been without Autism. The thought used to consume my mind. I grieved for the life I thought you were going to have. When I was pregnant with you, I had dreams of what our lives would look like.

I Am Not That Strong

“You are so strong.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I’d have enough money to pay for ABA Therapy…… out of pocket. If you aren’t a special needs mom that might not make sense to you, but trust me, it is A LOT of money. I first